


Payback's A Joxer

by MilToro



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F, Skits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-12
Updated: 2009-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-02 10:41:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilToro/pseuds/MilToro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fairy tale (sort of) of how Joxer became the WarriorGeekGuy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Payback's A Joxer

**Author's Note:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a fairy tale. Sort of *g*. I was feeling just a tad snarky when I wrote this so keep that in mind. I had just finished reading Rob Tapert's interview for the first time in Chakram #3. I'm still rolling my eyes about his comment about Joxer (The Hero) at the beginning of Bitter Suite. On top of that, if he says that crap one more time about how women and men in Europe or wherever kiss each other on the mouth all the time...... grrrr...... That is supposed to be his grand explanation for the kiss in the Quest. I wonder, do these men/men and women/women in Europe also look dreamily into each other's eyes and say "I'll always be here"? And do they say "Even in death, I will never leave you"? And do they also give each other intimate baths? And do they give each other hickeys too? Like I said, I was feeling just a tad snarky when I wrote this :::heh:::
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Any resemblence to the real GeekGrrl, whom we all know and love, was purely co-incidental. No harm to her was intended at all.

Once upon a time, there was a GeekGuy. He was long on brains, short on looks and never had any girlfriends. One day he met another GeekGuy, who was known as NoSpeakGuy. NoSpeakGuy was also long on brains, short on looks and never had any girlfriends. Soon they discovered that they had the same vision and they wanted to make movies. They made a vow that when they were Rich and Famous and became schlebrities, they would pay back all the people who shunned their Geekness. They soon hooked up with another Guy who was not a GeekGuy, he was a SleekGuy. This Guy was long on brains, long on looks and at least one other thing. So they used him as the star of their first movie. It became The Little Movie That Could. The Little Movie That Could soon parlayed into The Little Movie That Could Part II, followed by its three-quel, The Army of Geekness. All the while, the TwoGeekGuys used the SleekGuy as their FrontMan, helping their cause, when lo and behold, the GeekGuys got some girlfriends.

Then one day, the TwoGeekGuys were asked to make a telemovie about a GreekGuy. NoSpeakGuy said he couldn't because he was too busy making another movie about a BleakGrrl, so GeekGuy took on the project by himself. He wanted to make the GreekGuy a GreekGeekGuy but the BigCreepGuys said no. "You can't have a GeekGuy as the Hero!" And so GeekGuy made him a SleekGreekGuy.

In the meantime, GeekGuy met TheMostBeautifulGrrlInTheWholeWideWorld. Even though she was married and he was living with his long-time companion, he tried to impress her with his position and told her he would make her the Queen in the SleekGreekGuy movie, but the BigCreepGuys said no. They said she was too unknown and too foreign. Instead they told him he could make four more movies. Which GeekGuy did.

Lo and behold, the movies were very popular and GeekGuy was told to make a GreekGuy TV series. So he did. He gave some small parts to TheMostBeautifulGrrlInTheWholeWideWorld and she was happy. But that ain't all, he promised her. The TV series was a big success too, and _voila!_, lots of girls started noticing the GeekGuy. Not because of his long-on-brains-short-on-looks persona, but because now he had money. Lots and lots of money. Next thing you know, the BigCreepGuys told him to make another TV series. Again, he suggested a GeekGuy as the Hero, but the BigCreepGuys said, "You can't have a GeekGuy as the Hero!" Pouting, GeekGuy said, "Okay, we'll make the Hero a woman!" The BigCreepGuys said, "Well.... okay. But if it fails, we're still not doing a series for a GeekGuy." So they searched high and low for a QueekGrrl. The BigCreepGuys wanted BlondeWeakGrrl to do it, but GeekGuy wanted to give it to TheMostBeautifulGrrlInTheWholeWideWorld. He was sure to get a date then! Somehow, he managed to get TheMostBeautifulGrrlInTheWholeWideWorld the part and the DeepGrrl told him the TweakGrrls will love her. Sure enough, when the TweakGrrls saw her, they liked her! They really liked her! And the DeepGrrl was proud.

Pretty soon, TweakGrrls from far and wide gathered together to watch the QueekGrrl battle foes with the SweetGrrl, following them to conventions and such. Next thing you know, everyone saw the QueekGrrl and the SweetGrrl as a couple in love. A typical butch/femme couple, said the DeepGrrl. In the meantime, GeekGuy asked TheMostBeautifulGrrlInTheWholeWideWorld yet again for a date and to his great surprise, she said yes! Finally! Well, lo and behold, his long-time companion found out and dumped him. But he was happy. Not just Happy, he was Really Really Happy. But who could blame him? She was, after all, TheMostBeautifulGrrlInTheWholeWideWorld.

Pretty soon, the TweakGrrls were celebrating QueekGrrl and the SweetGrrl's love for each other, watching videos at the club and having sword fights and such. They wrote about it far and wide and the next thing you know, the ratings were skyrocketing. The BigCreepGuys nodded their heads. See, we told you so, TweakGrrls equal ratings. And the DeepGrrl agreed. They should hug, they should kiss, they should be happy, they all said.

The GeekGuy didn't know what to do. He knew he couldn't stand between them because he wasn't an actor, but he didn't really want his grrlfriend, TheMostBeautifulGrrlInTheWholeWideWorld, to kiss the SweetGrrl, she might fall in love. He hoped to marry her someday, but ratings were important too, he concluded. I know! he said to himself. They can be a couple but..... this is the perfect time to introduce the GeekGuy. I'll get NoSpeakGuy's brother to play him. He's the only one I can trust. He's like family. So GeekGuy came up with a nefarious plan. He introduced Joxer, WarriorGeekGuy. You sure this will work? the BigCreepGuys asked. Yep! The TweakGrrls will love him! GeekGuy enthused. The BigCreepGuys shrugged their shoulders. Well, he's been right about everything else, they said.

So that's how GeekGuy finally got his revenge. Payback's a Joxer.


End file.
